Red State Blue State

Anything is Tosh-able

We live in a world where the status quo says your government will let you down, where an "extra value" meal will cost more than $5 (while including little to no value), where the Pittsburgh Pirates will be a laughing stock.

Dear readers, it is Friday and all of the above make you feel blue.

Enter Tosh.  Tosh.0

Bringin' the heat on the tiniest of Phillies fans:

Tosh.0
Web Redemption - Phillies Fan
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption 2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction Demi Moore Picture

No holds barred... that's the only way to go, especially so close to beer thirty.

Happy Friday!

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Digest: Clothing

As baseball season quickly approaches, we turn to an oft forgotten topic: appropriate dress for a baseball game.  We all know how hard it is to pick the right clothes early on in the season when temperatures might range 30 degrees over the course of a game.  Even when it gets really hot out, decorum still insists on a certain minimum level of covering.  That's why RSBS always encourages layering.

However, sometimes people refuse to heed warnings and find themselves in very uncomfortable predicaments.  Although the situation presented in this video may not be entirely applicable to baseball spectatorship, it's an important reminder that wearing the right clothing can save you a load of mental and physical discomfort later on.



No need to thank us.  We're just doing our job.

Happy Saturday!

-A

The Valentine Continues

This week has become an ongoing ode to RSBS' love for the game of baseball.  And not wanting to be responsible for ending the lovefest, today we bring you something that belongs to bars from Queens to San Diego just as much as it does to the British bar where it's set.  Punt away the soccer ball at the end, toss in a baseball and you'll find it hard to disagree.



Happy Friday!

-A

Credit:
-Video via 9GAG

Tevye Can't Touch This Tradition

I know what you're thinking, dear readers, and let me assure you: yes, indeed I did just make a Fiddler on the Roof reference.

BAM!

That's because, as I write this, Major League pitchers and catchers are reporting to their respective training camps; and after a long, cold, hard winter of Brad Lidge, Milton Bradley and Kyle Farnsworth bashing, we can all finally relax knowing our hallowed game is springing back to life.

A year ago this week, my cynical and oft busy-body colleague Mr. Allen Krause, and I took to the streets of Chicago to proclaim our undying crush on the game of baseball.  Luckily for you there was a film crew following us, not to mention an ebullient David Archuleta, who lent us his tunes, to make a point.

And as we hope will be a long and prosperous tradition of ringing in the new baseball season, we (re)present to you the definitive RSBS tradition:



Hell yes, we love our baseball and no, we aren't afraid to show it.

Now, aren't ya glad I didn't write that Evan Bayh piece I was workin' on?

Nah. You can't hate me today. 'Cuz you know I'm right.

Peace,

Jeff

A Rodent by Any Other Name.....

The only real reason to celebrate Groundhog Day is because it means we're into February and baseball will start back up soon.  Seriously, what is this point of this "holiday?"  I don't get a day off of work.  There's no food involved.  And no matter what happens, you're still firmly entrenched in the middle of winter.  That doesn't sound like such a good deal to me.  In fact, one might even be inclined to suspect a bit of conspiracy.

No, I mean it when I say that without the hint of baseball it entails and the vehicle it provided for Bill Murray's formidable talent, Groundhog Day would be dead to me.  Just like you, Curtis Granderson.  Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.  You're just lucky I don't have your name on a Tigers' jersey or I'd really be pissed.

-A

Farnsworth in Amphibian Form

I feel like a failure.  Here we are, well into 2010, and not one single update on Kyle Farnsworth.  However, being the person I am, I refuse to let this situation stand.  So, after some painstaking research, I found a recent video of Farnsworth in action:



Crying, orgasming and only god knows what else.  The man is just full of odd noises.  Hope you didn't have any romantic plans for the evening but happy Saturday nonetheless.

-A

The Usual Suspects

What do you get when you cross an evil, faceless corporation with the soulless smile of a clown? 

Ok, yes, that is a valid answer.  But what I was really looking for is this:



It may be cute.  It may be funny.  But to paraphrase close personal friend of RSBS, Keyser Söze, "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he was a funny clown commercial."

-A

Obligatory McGwire Mention... and Some Other Crap

Mark McGwire Quotes (that I made up):

"I didn't want to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Lou Ferrigno.  I wanted to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lou Ferrigno COMBINED!  ON 'ROIDS!  ARRRRRGH!"

"My talent comes from the 'man upstairs' and lemme tell ya, the 'man upstairs' is F***ING JUICED!  ARRRRRGH!"

"Yeah, I take Viagra, but just to stay healthy. It doesn't help me bang hot chicks for hours and hours and hours at a time!  ARRRRRGH!"


Other Crap:

My duplicitous and oft abrasive colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, has been busy conjuring up all sorts of facetious baseball scenarios, one of which embraces the Selig-spawned, Selig-spun "world" World Series, proposing to pit the Major League Baseball champion against the... the... Japanese baseball... league champion?  What?

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Krause, but... uh... insanity called, they want their madness back.

First of all, this is a Bud Selig ploy -- a major league trick to make you think he's actually working towards the betterment of the game.  Preposterous!  The World Series is called the friggin' World Series because it boasts the two best baseball teams in the WORLD.  No Japanese champion can hang with the MLB champion.  If they could, then all those Japanese players would already be playing in the MAJOR LEAGUES! 

Ah, such treachery.  It saddens me to see Mr. Krause, someone so smart and so spry, take such a gigantic dip into the crazy-pool.  But wait.  Yes... it gets worse...


Some More Crap:

...Because somehow Mr. Krause got it in his head that once Albert Pujols' contract is up with the Cardinals in 2011, that the perennial MVP candidate will be out to find a new, more financially sexy organization to call his home.  Mr. Krause even mentioned the possibility of seeing A.P. wearing an old English "D" across his chest!!!

Total f***ing horse****.

Sorry.  Had to go there.  Ahem...

Like the Tigers always have Ty Cobb, so too will the Cardinals always have Albert Pujols.

Don't worry, Al... at least you will always have the image of Alan Trammell in a Tigers uni, forever.

Oh, wait.

Hate me 'cuz I pull back the curtain, just don't hate me 'cuz I'm right.

Peace,

Jeff

(McGwire image courtesy of Coffee with Adam)

New Year, Same sCrUBS

Some of the names may have changed, but the bad contracts continue to pile up.  The Chicago Cubs off-season moves have made the Cardinals a much better team than the Cardinals could have made themselves; and the Cards haven't done... well, anything really.

But watching the Cubs destroy themselves is nothing new.

And when trying to reassert my anti-Cubs passion during the long winter, I got an early charge from this recent Marlon Byrd signing.  Huzzah!  Hey, Chicago, whadya say?  The Cubs are gonna overpay for a centerfielder today!

And a right fielder (Fukudome)...and a left fielder (Soriano)...

Didn't y'all learn anything about immediately signing a guy from Texas coming off a career year?  Nah.  Nevermind.

The Prince of New York paints a nice, self-destructive picture of the Cubs organization hinged on that Byrd deal; meanwhile, I'm beginning to believe Jim Hendry is employing the James Cameron school of thought by throwing a ton of money at something that is fundamentally underdeveloped, hoping it will be a hit (or be able to hit... a breaking ball, in particular, if you're Alfonso Soriano).

The difference is: James Cameron threw a lot of money at some stuff that actually looks cool even if the story is sorta lacking.  I mean, I didn't love Avatar, but I was certainly entertained by it.  One can't say the same for what lines up to be another epic bust of a season for the sCrUBBIE dubbies. 

It's 2010.

And Jesus hates them. 

Still.

Don't hate me, 'cuz I'm right.

Peace,

Jeff

RSBS Presents: MLB's Favorite Christmas Movies

As the holiday spirit settles in here at RSBS, we're starting to get a little excited. In fact, there's a really good chance that this is the year we get that Red Ryder BB gun we've been asking for since 1983. However, as we sit here staring at the gifts under the tree, we thought we could present you with a gift of our own. The interns did a buch of work coming up with the list and now we just want you to enjoy it. So, enjoy!

Scott Boras
The Santa Clause
Only a hardcore DB like Boras could appreciate the fine print of a contract that makes you take over Santa's duties if you should happen to be instrumental in his demise. Hell, he probably wrote the contract. On the bright side, at least Scotty hasn't taken over as Santa.....yet.

The Kansas City Royals
A Charlie Brown Christmas
A ragtag band of kids who are all castoffs from one place or another gather around a depressingly bare Christmas tree. If that doesn't describe KC's fortunes, I don't know what does. And just wait until Greinke blows town.

Derek Jeter
It's A Wonderful Life
So, how many times have you not made the playoffs in your career? And how many World Series rings have you won? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you could give George Bailey a run for it in the Wonderful Life department.

Bud Selig
Tie: Scrooged and A Christmas Carol
However, he turns it off before the main characters have a change of heart. No room for sentimentality when there are small children and their parents who could be paying more for tickets and concessions. How much more? Get on that, Cratchett. And will you stop blubbering about your goddamn gimpy kid?

Barry Bonds
Miracle on 34th Street
Sometimes when Barry is falling asleep at night, he imagines the postal service delivering thousands of letters to him in a courtroom and the judge declaring him the real home run king. Wake up, Barry. You're still just a lousy cheat.

So, there you have it. If you ever wondered what a professional baseball player does at this time of the year, you have your answer. As for us, we'll be splitting a bowl of popcorn and hoping that oblong shaped box doesn't somehow put our eye out.

-A