Red State Blue State

Matt Holliday, Meet Ma$e

A long time ago, in a popped culture far, far away (let's call it the late '90s), there was a "talented" young fella by the name of Ma$e tearing up the hip-hop scene with sub-par sleight of hand wit and a mouthful of mushy homonyms.

You may remember him (probably not) for bringing us this gem:

Broken glass everywhere
if it ain't about the money, Puff, I just don't care
I'm that Goodfella fly guy, sometimes wiseguys
Spend time in H-A-W-A-I-I
(Mase can you please stop smoking lah lah?)
Puff why try? I'm a thug, I'ma die high
I be out in Jersey, puffin Hershey
Brothers ain't worthy to rock my derby
Though I'm never drugged, I'm the venom in the club

And now he's just venom in our memory banks.  But why?  Let's take a look:

Ma$e's main talent was convincing people that he had talent.  I believed it.  Sean Combs believed it.  The general public believed it.  In fact, there was a time when you couldn't go anywhere without hearing a Ma$e tune.  Had he the vision to keep that reality in perspective, to join powers with the then still venerable Puff Daddy, we might be talking about Ma$e as a musical superpower right now!

But we're not.

Because Ma$e went to Ma$e's head and at his highest of high points, Ma$e left the one label that could make him an internationally hyped megastar.  No one would take him on.  He floundered.  Then he disappeared all together.  He decided to do something different...

...by becoming a preacher?

Yep.  At least, that's the story we got.

A few years (and lots of bounced checks) later, Ma$e came crying back to the rap game... hands open, knees scarred, willing to accept any deal he could get... anything... he was signed by SRC Records.

But the problem with SRC Records was this: they couldn't release his music because Ma$e was still contractually obligated to -- yep, you guessed it -- Sean "Puff Daddy/P-Diddy" Combs.

The moral of the story? 

Ma$e is an idiot.

Matt Holliday, you're not far behind. 

Don't hate me 'cuz I'm right.

Peace,

Jeff

**UPDATE**

Since writing this, Matt Holliday has agreed to a 7 year deal with the Cardinals for $120 million. That's mo' money, mo' problems... but probably worth it. Good for you, Matt!

I Heard it Through the Grapevine

Pop quiz. What do Smokey Robinson, Curtis Granderson and The Jackson Five have in common? If you guessed that they all got their start with Motown, you'd be right. But if you guessed that they all got out of Motown as soon as possible, you'd also be right. I mentioned the other day that life had gotten a little bit more sucky when Pla-Po left for Philadelphia. Well, it's going to get a lot more sucky when Granderson leaves for the Yankees. Thelma Houston had it right when she sang "Don't leave me this way."

There is an upside, though, even if it's just my imagination. As much as I like Granderson and enjoyed watching him play, he sure struck out a lot and seemed to do it at inopportune moments. Not only that but they say this Austin Jackson fellow can play some ball so maybe it will turn out to be a good thing. But even if this is all true, as another Motown discovery put it, 'It's so hard to say good-bye to yesterday."

The thing is, and this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I don't have a whole lot of control over what happens in the Tigers' front office. You'd think that Dombrowski would be monitoring this blog to see what I think but it just doesn't work that way. Apparently he makes his decisions completely independently of me. And even though he may know what he's doing, he has definitely left myself and other Tigers fans channeling Marvin Gaye when we ask "What's going on?" I'm pretty sure I'll be asking that question again the first time I see Granderson in pinstripes.

-A

99 Problems but a Minaret Ain't One

Some people have problems. And some people create problems. For a perfect comparison of these two, look no further than Tiger Woods and the man my friend Jeff has decided to pick a fight with, Jay-Z:

This graph clearly represents the difference between having and creating problems.

However, if you really want to see how to go about creating problems, look no further than the alpine hamlet of Switzerland. After years of carefully constructed neutrality, they managed to throw it all away in one fell swoop with their recent referendum on the construction of minarets in the country. Granted, this isn't a foreign policy issue as much as it is a domestic perturbation but it does have an effect on how the country is perceived and that in turn has an effect on foreign policy.

C'mon Switzerland, didn't you learn anything from Tiger and Jay? Tiger smashes up an Escalade and then tries to cover up his bone-headedness but only makes the situation worse. Meanwhile Jay "ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jake....so I pull over to the side of the road." Hey Switzerland, are you really getting anything out of this ban? I mean, you're kind of in the same place as Jay, right? "Plus I got a few dollars, I can fight the case." Seriously, for a country that was smart enough to think up the most inscrutable banking system in history, you guys sure screwed the pooch on this one.

So, here's my suggestion, Switzerland. Stop worrying about the minarets and start worrying about what happens when Tiger has to pull his money out of your banks to pay for the inevitable lawsuits and settlements. Money, cash, hoes. Maybe you should both be paying a little more attention to Jay.

-A

Credits:
-Graph from buzzfeed.com

Jay-Z is Full of Crap

As I tend to be regarding the great game of baseball, when it comes to hip-hop, I remain firmly in the purist camp. 

This is exactly why I didn't want to like Jay-Z's new album, The Blueprint 3.  As the resident Brett Favre of the rap game, Jay-Z has taunted us with his multiple "retirements", all along gradually stepping away from his street-centric roots and engaging in the bling-bling-I-got-hoes-money-and-fame garbage that has destroyed my ability to find any entertainment value in modern hip-hop.

But Alicia Keys sucked me; and as much as I hate to admit it: Empire State of Mind is a killer track.

Still, there is one Jay-Z line that makes me cringe with disgust:

"Catch me at the X with OG at a Yankee game,
s*** I made the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can..."

No, no, Jay-Z, you didn't.  You did not make the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can.

Ever heard of a fella by the name of Babe Ruth?  How about DiMaggio?  Gehrig?  Mantle?  Mattingly?  Jeter?

I know Jay-Z is a lot like me in that sometimes he says dumb s*** just to say it, to see what kind of reaction he gets, to be relevant, to stir up trouble.

But even I have limitations... and dissing some of the greatest players to ever play the game is certainly among them.

Shame on you, Jay-Z. 

And unless you can find a way to put Alicia Keys on every song you ever do from now until the end of time, you won't be getting my money ever again.

Hate me 'cuz I gotz some street cred of my own, just don't hate me 'cuz I'm right.

Peace,

Jeff

A Healthy Solution

As the health care bill moves to debate on the senate floor, partisans on both sides are gearing up for what is expected to be an epic battle. The conservatives, exhorted onward to ever greater paroxysms of religious (and irreligious) indignation by Glenn Beck and his ilk, decry the very thought of doing away with the current system that has failed so miserably. Meanwhile the liberals turn every which way but loose making a perfect hash out of what should have been the easiest sell in the history of sales pitches. And who suffers? Just the millions of Americans without coverage.

However, we here at RSBS may have come up with a perfectly libertarian solution which even our friend Jonestein could be proud of. Take a look at this video and pay special attention to the chorus:



There, did you catch it? "Have a baby by me, baby, be a millionaire." It's the answer to everything. What we need right now is for all the wealthy people in our country, be they entertainers, moguls, crime lords or even baseball players, to have babies by other women so they can then pay their bills. It's foolproof!

I understand that some people will have a problem with this solution, especially the people who have to get the ugly girls pregnant. But the United States was built on sacrifice. Besides, that's what we have ugly guys like Vincente Padilla and Bud Selig for. And they need to get on it now. Trust me Bud, it's going to be just as bad for the girl who's stuck with you as you think it is for yourself.

Now, we could also follow the more difficult but ultimately more sustainable path described by David Goldhill recently in The Atlantic. But, let's be honest. Americans are incapable of that much patience and this idea would require a rationality that is light years beyond our elected representatives. And that's why we come back to 50 Cent. He let us know that it was all right to party like it's our birthday and now he's solving the health care problem. If only "Candy Shop" offered some sort of solution to global warming.

-A

Just How Good Does it Get?

Life must look pretty good to Cliff Lee right about now. Leaving behind the festering garbage heap that the Indians have become and landing four wins away from a World Series title is just about as good as it gets.

Meanwhile, a guy like Jake Peavy goes from the most perfect weather in the United States to the intemperate hell that is Chicago. Sure, he may have helped ruin the Tigers' chances at the postseason but that's not much to hang your hat on.

However, as good as life might be for Cliff, I'm pretty sure he's nowhere near as happy as this guy:



I'm sure I've posted it before but some things just need to be repeated from time to time. Lame attempts at Afro-Caribbean Jesus rock definitely fit that category.

It's Saturday! Go watch football.

-A

Civility is Dead, Long Live Civility!

Much has been made in the last few days about the death of civility in America. Serena's tirade at the US Open only slightly overshadowed Representative Joe Wilson's yell during President Obama's health care speech. And of course, both of those events ended up being being blown away by Kanye West's impromptu hijacking of the VMAs.

But I don't think all of this is bad.

It's good to see Serena fired up. God knows none of the other Americans in the main draw at the US Open came close to her fire with the possible exception of a seventeen year old. And when you're used to stars making the same inane comments, it's nice to see that there's still room for the insane. As for Wilson, although it might have been nice for him to express his views in a slightly more constructive way and perhaps in a more appropriate forum, he expressed how strongly Americans feel about the issue of health care.

I'd love to see the Tigers this fired up about their season. They may be in the driver's seat in the AL Central but they sure don't look like they're in control. The only reason they're in first is because the other teams in the division are giving it away.

However, I'm hoping the Tigers can take heart in the exploits of the University of Michigan football team. I don't think anyone expected much but they went out this past weekend and won one of the two games that count this season. Civility may be dead but so are the hopes and dreams of thousands of Fighting Irish fans and that's good enough for me.

-A

RSBS TV: "Jesus Hates the Cubs"

An RSBS original...

Produced, shot and edited by Theo Roll.

Directed by Jeffery Lung.

Starring James Tierney as Jesus.

Performed by Mauf Tauk. 

Mauf Tauk is Jeff and Theo.

**Pass it on, folks. Let's get the word out.  Please send this link to everyone you know. We make this thing go viral and more RSBS baseball-related hilarity will certainly flourish.**

Want more RSBS TV?  Try Crush.  Or if you prefer talking heads, check *these* out.

Michael Jackson Would've Been Great Baseballer Had He Known What the Bat Was For

This is not a cheap shot.

In fact, my 1979-1988 inner-child is sobbing uncontrollably at the loss of his hero -- the late, great pop sensation, Michael Jackson.

As a young, impressionable child, I had but two passions: baseball and moonwalking.  One of them I held onto well into adulthood, the other I let go once things... well, once things got weird.

Still, I never lost my appreciation for the musical genius of the original M.J. and always hoped that one day he'd eschew complete facial and epidermal reconstruction in favor of good old US American past times like baseball, apple pie and rich white men screwing their secretaries. 

Turns out Michael did give baseball a shot...

But it didn't turn out so well.

Some people are born with a bat in their hands, some are born with a microphone.  Only one was born to be the King of Pop.

Rest in peace, Mike.

Rest in peace,

Jeff

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